HEAL
I planned this portrait series throughout 2018 and intended to pop up at different events in the Bay Area for Pilipinx/a/o American History Month in October. I wanted to ask folks, “what does healing look like for you?” I learned that I had cancer (again) a few days before my first scheduled shoot, which I canceled, along with the 20+ individual shoots.
It was put on pause for a year while I was in treatment and I later returned to the thought of restarting it again. In August of 2019, I had more energy and honestly the confidence and courage to shoot and start the project again. During this time, I was having an existential crisis (honestly, when am I not though?) and started asking myself, well what does healing actually look like for me as I undergo treatment for a life threatening illness?
I shot all of these portraits at the tail-end of 2019, while recovering from side effects that were lingering from my treatment infusions. If you were at any of these shoots, I was internally losing my mind because I felt fatigued, lightheaded, and unstable while shooting and connecting with folks.
I shot participants against a yellow backdrop, a color I chose in reference to:
the color of my home
the yellow beanie I often wore in treatment and was in my fundraising merch,
the yellow couch that was in my room, where so many loved ones came and sat in while I was in bed recovering from treatment.
The project morphed into something hella different from what I imagined. I edited every picture to be black and white, digitally cut them to give a collagey feel, and a brown paper background— imitating the covers of the journals I wrote in during treatment.
This project is less about the photography and editing, less about the graphic design, more about the words, and yes, as cliche and corny as it is — it’s about the process.
